The Invisible Illness

The human mind is a wonder. It never ceases to amaze me. With its folds of flesh and tissues, it helps us to process, interpret and respond. With its complex neural connections, it helps us to view the world in all its glory and exalts us to a higher level in the animal kingdom. However, the illnesses of the mind do not seem to garner enough attention as do the illnesses of the body. Mental health is a topic that has long been ignored and has never been given the same prominence as physical health. Given the centrality of the brain to our corporal system, there seems to be a mismatch between mental illnesses and the society’s redressal towards them. Victims of mental health have been treated secluded from the rest of the society, in traditional asylums and in the absence of a conducive environment that fosters healing. Moreover, only about half of the patients receive treatment, given the taboo around the subject.

I’ve seen people talk about mental illnesses and diminish their importance as if the mind is not an indispensable part of or body. At the same time, conversations about physical illnesses garner deep sympathy from people. The ever-rising cases of suicides are often attributed to poor lifestyle choices and weak mental build-up rather than a substantial absence of support and a sound social network. However, I do feel it’s not the wisest of things to do, but sometimes our internal critic tends to take over and we react rather harshly to such news, and I often end up doing this myself. How many times have you thought that “I would never have taken such a drastic step, it was just a trivial matter”.However, we seldom know the backstory and we allow this critic to subjugate us and overpower our words and actions.

In Indian families, especially, we have never had this conversation partly because we’ve never needed one hitherto. We have always been such a culturally strong system where community living has been seen as an essential part of life. Mental illness is deemed to be the uninvited visitor that never comes knocking at our doors and is always a resident of foreign dwellings.

Nevertheless, recent events have thankfully roused people out of their slumber and have sparked conversations about mental health, a topic that was considered a taboo hitherto. Though it still is, people nowadays, are more receptive and willing to converse about this issue which was once a no-no and are better aware of this veiled illness. Though we aren’t there yet, the transformation is underway. The blockage is being torn down, slowly, brick by brick, by so many hands that are now coming face to face with mental health.

“The thing about having a mental illness is that people expect you to behave as if you don’t”

We have now been exposed to the bitterness and the twofold character of this world. It has made us all aware of how badly we need a kind ear, a reassuring hug, a healing touch, a pat on the back and sometimes even just a friendly smile. It has made me realize the importance of radical listening as an inherent part of our lives. And such critical times have even heightened the importance of mental health. You never know the importance of a kind gesture and the rippling effect it can have. I strongly believe that no one can ascertain where the effect of a kind gesture ends. Even making a simple eye contact, exchanging a smile, a friendly greeting or small talk can go a long way. We all have the power to touch countless lives through a single act of kindness. Let us all tap into this power because we rise, by lifting others. We seldom know how a person is on the inside, what turmoil one holds within. Nor do we know each other’s journey and what he/she is going through currently. Victims of mental health may be in our own family, our neighbourhood, work in the next cubicle or may share a table with you at your workplace. There doesn’t appear to be anything wrong, right? However, it might not be the case. I cannot emphasize enough on the importance of regular check-ins with your dear ones and most importantly yourself, because it’s not what it seems like. No visible symptoms, no runny nose, no fever or rash, no fractures or sprains, it’s just a longing for something unable to explain.

As a student of Psychology, I’m better sensitised to such issues and can see deeper than most people. It pains me to see bright, young and talented minds succumb to mental illnesses, helpless in the face of adversity and forced to take extreme measures that could very well have been avoided had they had a strong social support base.

Radical or active listening is the need of the hour. It is about placing your own need to be understood secondary to the other person’s. It’s about acceptance and empathy rather than outright dismissal. Sometimes, all we need is a kind ear to make all our problems appear insignificant. A simple heart to heart conversation has a remedial effect on the sufferer and for the listener, it is immensely liberating. All of us need to make ourselves approachable. Many people, including me, shower kindness on strangers and restrain ourselves when it comes to our own near and dear ones. Sadly, we need death to remind us of the value of life. We all are here for a short time and no one knows how little this little is. So let’s all be grateful, immensely grateful for the gift of life, each day. Let us dispense restraint and live life to the fullest. Let us care, genuinely care about people, drop texts and messages, ask them how their day was, listen, really listen to what the other person has to say, without judgement. It was a few days ago when a dear friend told me that she never felt completely accepted and cared for whenever she had discussed mental health issues with me in the past, and this, certainly was an eye-opener for me and made me think about how many of us let our ego creep in and start off with remedial measures even before the other person has enough time to really pour their heart out. Do not say, “you are so strong, how come you have mental health issues”? “you’re just overreacting” or “this is not as bad as it seems”. Because we, as outsiders, do not know how bad it can get. Don’t judge. Just listen.

So let us harness the power of our kindness. If we can be anything, most importantly, let us be kind. Let us be empathetic. Let us understand before we desire to be understood, now more than ever. At the same time when we stumble across mental blocks of illness and the world comes tumbling down at our feet, reaching out for help has a therapeutic effect. It doesn’t make you a burden on others, rather most people are flattered when you make them feel worthy enough to divulge all your secrets. That, I feel, is the secret to optimal mental health.

“You think no one can fix you, but you don’t know, some prayers are powerful and some souls know magic”

It is a shame that we needed a pandemic to make us slow down, to make us reflect on what we’ve become, to compel us to address concerns that were out there ever since, but were never approached. And I’m pleased in a way that this, at least, did us some good. It has provided us with an opportunity to calm our overactive minds and spend time with our families, doing what we love. I hope we continue doing so the next week, the next month, the next year, long after all this is over. Let us never go back to normal, because the normal that we were living in formerly, isn’t what we need. The cases of suicides and other mental illnesses such as depression have increased manifold throughout this lockdown. People have been facing anxiety and depressive episodes due to the lack of human interaction. Alleviating their stresses through radical listening and providing the right information can lessen such instances. Because we, as a community have tremendous strength, strength to heal, to bring people out of distress through a single kind word.

It’s time we prioritise mental health above all, because what we think, we become. Until mental health is incorporated into and seen as an elemental part of physical health, we would never be able to fully utilise the potential of our healthcare system. Let us not need another suicide as an impetus to act.

In the hope of creating a better world, ~A.

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[Mental Health Awareness- Additional Resources]

1. The importance of Mental Health

2. Mental health-The Indian Scenario

3. Live Love Laugh Foundation